Back to Brak 2024 | Part 2: New to Me (Love Equals Death, Comeback Kid, The Queers & Cancer Bats)

With extreme giddy anticipation I’ve been looking forward to the 2025 edition of Brakrock on August 1st and 2nd. In true downsideup tradition, the two week lead up to this yearโ€™s Brakrock is for reminiscing about the previous edition. And what a year it was!ย 

In part two, I take you with me along some new discoveries. Part one, about the Bridge City Sinners (also known as part 5 in the Clyde McGee and Lightnin’ Luke touralong saga) can be read here!

LOVE EQUALS DEATH (August 2nd 2024)

After strolling around the site and taking in the sights, I venture over to the River stage to take my spot centre stage for the Bridge City Sinners well in advance. I hadnโ€™t put them on the planning, but I am pleasantly surprised by getting to see Love Equals Death.

First off, a little preface of the news that broke nine days after their show at Brakrock.Chon Travis, the bandโ€™s lead vocalist sadly passed away in his hotel room, just prior to their show in Stafford. Heartbreaking having just discovered them, along with so many other people who got enamored and hearing about this so soon after.

Chon seems to have been an incredibly beautiful person if the outpour of messages of fellow artists can be believed. I want to honour him and his band with the real excitement of discovering them, so I leave the melancholy and sadness here, and describe the vibrance of their incredible set.

Love Equals Death starts my Brakrock 2024 experience off with a BANG! Theyโ€™re loud, fast and in your fucking face with boundless energy pouring off the stage, even in this bloody heat! Feeling that drum vibrate through my body is heaven. Iโ€™m instantly a fan and thank the purple thread of music guiding me to this moment. Iโ€™m certainly not the only one to think so, because little by little, the crowd is growing nicely.

COMEBACK KID (August 2nd 2024)

Comback Kid ringsa bell from my early nillies punk days. I never really looked into them, (I am not always great at discovering music by myself.) but hereโ€™s me saying I should well have. Sadly my body has betrayed me from all the stomping around all day, so I take a seat on the side bleachers of the river stage. I wish I had more energy and less aches so I could follow from the pit especially since the vibe there seems lit as fuck.

Well, whatever, it already sounds amazing from afar, one day I will catch up with them on the first row. Another addition to the punk filled playlist, this is! My pen is dying and I can barely see what Iโ€™ve written down after this. Suffice it to say I was thoroughly impressed with the energy and sound. It sounds so incredibly nostalgic and I am here for it! Iโ€™ll just let the music speak for itself for now and will get back to them next time I see them pass through!

QUEERS (August 3nd 2024)

Kicking off day two a little later than planned since it took me a long while to get my broken body into gear. Made it just in time for the second band I had on my planning for the day. The atmosphere already feels amazing, everyone is as stoked as I am for this new day of festivities!

Iโ€™m loving their old skool punk style and bob along to the music happily. Itโ€™s a great and pure no nonsense sound, no breaks, just fucking rocking it. Their stamina and intensity rolls over an exhilarated audience.

The guitarist is obviously as amped (ha!) as the crowd and tears over his strings with dedication. Speaking of, at the end of the show he threw some guitar picks in the audience and I only noticed afterwards that my cup had accidentally caught one. SCORE.

After the show, a little drizzle cools us all off before we hit the next landmark gig!

CANCER BATS (August 3nd 2024)

So far so good, aside from missing the start of my day, I am currently still on schedule! Another name that was somewhere stored in the back of my brain from way back when, without any music attached to it. But just LOOK AT THEM GO! They are definitely excited to be here, as are we all!

The wave of sound is intense and so very soothing to my sore muscles. The near wave of sweat dripping off the stage is also a sight to see.

Iโ€™m finding it hard to find synonyms for describing the energy of all the Brakrock bands. I donโ€™t think thereโ€™s enough words in the English language to describe all of it.

This band doesnโ€™t play around! The bassist is circling like a madman, throwing his bass every which way. He slides all over the neck of the thing at lightning speed. The guitarist shreds his 6 string flying V, the singer pours his heart out and the drumls provide a searing tempo to rile them all up even more.

Iโ€™m getting tired from just watching them jump around the stage. Good thing I have a bit of rest before I regale you on the rest of my Brakrock adventure where I get hit hard with a throwback to Punk in Drublic thanks to Ignite and Talco!

Brakrock – Kasteel ter Elst – Duffel – August 4th & 5th 2023

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A love song to Brakrock 2023 | Part 6: Ode to the wondrous women of Brakrock! (The Venomous Pinks, Jen Razavi and Bad Cop / Bad Cop.)

With extreme giddy anticipation I’ve been looking forward to the 2024 edition of Brakrock on August 2nd and 3rd. Perfect time to look back on the previous year and get you guys equally excited with my tribute to the best festival in the world. The best bands, most idyllic location and greatest organisation made for two days that wonโ€™t easily be forgotten!

In this final post I look back on the inspiring performances by some of the mighty women that took the stage at Brakrock in 2023. Where are my female role models? HERE THEY FUCKING ARE!

THE VENOMOUS PINKS

In carefully planning which bands I wanted to see at Brakrock 2023, I got really excited when I came across The Venomous Pinks. Marked and highlighted with several exclamation marks, I decided this was a MUST SEE on day two. And booooy, was I in for a treat! 

I had almost missed the mark waiting for Sidekick to kick off, so I had to run like hell from the Ruin to the River stage and made it in the nick of time. I glide through the crowd, already slick from the pouring rain and set up shop in the front row. I can barely keep up with the energy thatโ€™s thrown at me from on stage. Their savage set leaves me so breathless and wordless, I can hardly make out the few bits I managed to write down.

Suffice it to say I was very impressed with their enthusiastic spirit and their bad ass stage presence. If I loved their recordings already, it is nothing compared to the live version. With a fierce and passionate intensity they attack their instruments and put on quite a true punk rock powered party. With their fast paced songs, empowering lyrics and rebellious attitude they made a fan for life here!

Itโ€™s only mid afternoon and Iโ€™m already fired up like thereโ€™s no tomorrow. The Venomous Pinks are an absolute highlight out of all the amazing performances I got to witness at Brakrock 2023! 

JEN (POP) RAZAVI UNPLUGGED

Only a little rest for the wicked and then off I go to the next highlight of the day, Bombpop Jen Razaviโ€™s intimate solo set in the cosy (and dry!) atmosphere of The Belgian Beer bar. Got there 40 minutes early to beat the crowds, but only just made it in time to claim the last and quite possibly best spot right next to the little stage. Good foresight because a lot of late arrivals were left out in the rain, craning through the windows of the pop up dive bar to catch a glimpse. 

I had seen Razavi a year earlier with The Bombpops at Punk in Drublic and I already knew she was someone to look out for. I was however NOT at ALL prepared for what I was about to witness. I am immediately blown away by her striking and powerful voice that takes centre stage without the din of a back up band behind it.

Donโ€™t get me wrong, I donโ€™t mean to take away from the brilliant live performance of The Bombpops, which absolutely rocked my world a year earlier. I only emphasise this because my notes are littered with amazement at the stripped down version of that voice over the delicate tones of her guitar.

Which brings me to the fact that she never even intended to accompany herself and tour as a solo artist before the pandemic. We have Stacy Dee (Bad Cop / Bad Cop) to thank for encouraging Jen to go acoustic and go out there on her own. All because sheโ€™s addicted to touring and loves it so much, she wanted to maximise her opportunity to play. 

So she taught herself acoustic versions of her bandโ€™s songs and then went on to record some of her own. The mix between her own material, a couple of acoustic versions of The Bombpops and a few well reworked covers is splendid! Sheโ€™s tells the crowd still finding her courage as a solo artist, but no need to be modest Jen, your talent shines through in what you do and how you do it! Pure magic this one.

And look, she even gave me a pic featuring her extremely cute puppy Saloon! Who’s a good boy? ๐Ÿ’œ

BAD COP / BAD COP

Speaking of Stacy Dee and friends, itโ€™s time for some Bad Cop / Bad Cop action! Women to the front, yโ€™all! Now, if Iโ€™d make a wordcloud of my Brakrock notes, Iโ€™m pretty sure the word energy would be front and centre. AND THESE LADIES HAVE IT IN ABUNDANCE! The same fuck you attitude as their friends The Venomous Pink and and such a kick ass stage presence too!ย 

I immediately fall madly in love with Linhโ€™s beautiful bass and Stacyโ€™s gorgeous pink guitar. More importantly though, their grainy voices and rebellious lyrics win me over in mere seconds. These women breathe the punk rock spirit, womanarchists indeed! Iโ€™m too busy dancing and enjoying myself to make further notes, but trust me when I say that Iโ€™ll be front row if I ever see them playing again near me! Meanwhile, Iโ€™ll let the music speak for itself, check out the above videos (and playlist below) for a little idea of why I got so excited!

This is where I decide that the women of Brakrock should have their own space in this Brakrock series. And of course, where I note to PUT ALL THE SONGS IN THE PLAYLIST!

That’s it for my throwback to Brakrock 2023, now itโ€™s time to eagerly await the 2024 iteration. See you there!

Brakrock – Kasteel ter Elst – Duffel – August 4th & 5th 2023

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A love song to Brakrock 2023 | Part 5.2: Front Row Madness! (Day 2: The Lucky Trolls, Voodoo Glow Skulls and Toy Dolls!)

With extreme giddy anticipation I’ve been looking forward to the 2024 edition of Brakrock on August 2nd and 3rd. Perfect time to look back on the previous year and get you guys equally excited with my tribute to the best festival in the world. The best bands, most idyllic location and greatest organisation made for two days that wonโ€™t easily be forgotten!

On to day two of Brakrock 2023 where I discover two new favourites and finally get to check off Toy Dolls from my bucket list! Let’s get this party started!

LUCKY ENCOUNTER WITH THE LUCKY TROLLS

After enquiring after and finding my friendโ€™s lost phone, I get sidetracked from my planning again. Whatโ€™s this I hear emanating from the Wood Stage? The line-up says itโ€™s CF98 but a glance at the backdrop tells me something different. Turns out I am unwittingly at the right place at the right time for a new discovery. Apparently thereโ€™s been a last minute change and I AM HERE FOR IT. 

At two am on Friday, The Lucky Trolls were invited to fill in for CF98 who sadly couldnโ€™t make it to the festival. I say sadly, but Iโ€™m pretty stoked with the switch up if Iโ€™m being completely honest. After a momentโ€™s confusion I am sucked in by that feel-good energy blasting from the stage. 

Iโ€™ve been meaning to check out the Walloon music scene, and what an introduction I get with The Lucky Trolls. This magnificent band from Liege has that brilliantly unhinged Gogol Bordello and trashy, folky Days Nโ€™ Daze vibe, but with a Celtic punk rock twist. From the moment their first vibrant tones penetrate my ear drums I fall head over heels in love. Day two of Brakrock is starting off with a party, and my feet canโ€™t resist bopping along to this colourful sound. It started raining at this point, but their cheerful music is more than making up for that.ย 

Straight into my playlist they go, and I immediately run off to the merch hill to add some gear to my ever growing band themed attire. (One of my favourite hoodies to date, I might add!) After having a lovely chat with their friends and demanding they tell the band how they absolutely made my day, I bump into one of the members.

Itโ€™s their 5 string bass player Franรงois! In true enthusiastic Julie fashion run up I yell out: โ€˜HEY, arenโ€™t you a Trollโ€˜ and without waiting for an answer start gushing about how much fun I had randomly encountering them on stage. They are firmly on my radar to check out again!

VEMEHENTLY VIBING TO THE VOODOO GLOW SKULLS

Thanks to a friend’s recommendation I wrote up The Voodoo Glow Skulls as a must see for day two. Good decisions all around and Iโ€™m promptly pressed into the hedges front row! The crowd is going wild in conjunction with the zealously euphoric buzz the band projects onto them. The band is clearly soaking up the animated reaction from the steadily growing audience in front of them and reflecting it right back.

Iโ€™m in awe of singer Efrem Schulzโ€™s relentless intensity in dancing and his lungs out while darting around wildly across the stage. Heโ€™s seriously dripping in sweat while simultaneously not missing a beat singing along perfectly in tune. I canโ€™t fathom how they manage to keep up that impossible pace for the entire set, it’s truly out of this world! Heโ€™s not the only one breaking a sweat however, the band is equally energised and seemingly inexhaustible in providing a great back up to the pumped up singer’s antics.

Much thanks again to Silvรจre Vasselin who captured most of my favourites from Brakrock 2023

Even though the rain keeps trying to spoil the party, I eventually have to shed most of my layers because Iโ€™m sweating so much from bouncing along to their lively set. I started the day off pretty exhausted after the first day of the festival but the adrenaline is kicking that fatigue to the curb. Eventually even the sun makes its appearance again, lured out by this band of ferociously engaged artists.

I am elated when after the show I get to hand my rainbow pillow over and get it signed by this sensational addition to my ever expanding Brakrock playlist. Iโ€™m milling around trying to catch my breath after this magnificent performance, when I run into guitarist Eddie & bassist brother in arms Jorge Casillias, whose bass got run over at the airport and graciously got to borrow one from The Venomous Pinks. (More on them later in the next and final part on Brakrock 2023!)

I let them know theyโ€™ll be getting a raving review for their epically enrapturing stage presence and manage to commemorate the moment with this fun shot.

DIGGING THAT TOY DOLLS GROOVE, BABY!

It’s raining heavily on my parade by now but that won’t spoil the fun of finally getting exposed to the dynamic trio that makes up the Toy Dolls. Let me preface this by saying that after hearing one of their songs for the first time, I immediately added their back catalogue to my playlists. Iโ€™d missed their passing through Belgium a few times already and this time I would NOT rest until I could check them off my all time bucket list of bands yet to see. And let me tell you, gruesome though it had been, it was well worth the wait and anticipation.ย 

The Toy Dolls celebrated 44 years of rocking out as the happy go lucky punk phenomenon they so obviously are. What a pleasure to be part of this spectacular anniversary tour. Well, pleasure doesnโ€™t even begin to describe the feelings rushing through my body and soul while seeing them play. From their magnetic stage presence, to the raging riffs, over the hilarious lyrics, all the way to their mad synchronised choreography, there is nothing about this band that wonโ€™t put a huge grin on my face. (See picture above.) Of course this is only amplified by seeing it manifest in real life, only a few measly metres away.ย 

Careful observers can spot me right up front having a blast, singing and moving along with the masses of fans and security alike, who donโ€™t even mildly care that the flood gates have now opened. I put up the hood of my raincoat but immediately drop it back down to just weather the storm and not muffle one bit of the set of these uproariously animated legends of punk.

After this brilliant display I am frolicking around (rather painfully, but still) on cloud nine. The rest of the night passes in a blur, as nothing would compare to what I have just witnessed.ย Day two of Brakrock was an endless party for me, asย evidenced clearly by the smile that was plastered on my face throughout.

Next up: The Women of Brakrock, the last but certainly not least recap of Brakrock 2023 before I gear up for the 2024 edition!

Brakrock – Kasteel ter Elst – Duffel – August 4th & 5th 2023

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Seaside musings, a coastal diary series. (Part THREE โ€“ Scene SIX)

My trip into the Flanders Fields left me feeling dejected. Even though it had been a nice day out, both in a trip and weather sense, I felt the weight of death on my shoulders. The deaths of all those soldiers, fighting a war others waged for them. Seeing those graves in Steenkerke with all those young boysโ€™ names and the memorial in Ramskapelle got me in a gloomy mood. And of course, closer to home and heart, all the memories of my dad dredged up by those two places left me feeling disconsolate.ย 

While catching my breath on the terrace, I see this beautiful rainbow in the sky. Aside from the music, the number three and feathers, thereโ€™d been a lot of synchronicitous rainbows this year too.

I take it as a sign for me to venture out again, clearing my head of the contemplative cobwebs. Another sunset stroll on the beach it is. This time I walk away from Nieuwpoort beach, in the direction of the Ter Yde Dunes nature reserve in Oostduinkerke. 

It starts off as another magical walk, reminiscing on the beautiful musical rainbows. I have yet to regale you with the tale of meeting the beautiful ultra-purple person that is Joey Henry, whom I met somewhere at the start of August. I havenโ€™t had the time to find the right words to describe the two nights I spent with him and his music. They will roll out in due time.

Letโ€™s just say that aside from being an immensely talented musician, heโ€™s also a phenomenal photographer. I snagged one of his prints, Kansas rainbow included, at the first of his shows I saw at Den Oude Ketel. (Yes, the very same spot where I saw that other impossible rainbow months earlier, after that magical James Hunnicutt set.)

Kansas Rainbow print by Joey Henry

All this to say, I had rainbows, music and photography on my mind. So I channel my inner puddle & cloud photographer as I set off along the empty shoreline, singing loudly.

I see the bunker and walk back up the beach and climb to the crest of the dunes. I sit and rest, taking in the amazing sight of the sunset from my vantage point. 

I decide to walk back before I lose the light completely. I put in my earbuds and start my playlist at random when of course, none other than โ€˜In the Mirrorโ€™ by The Interrupters starts playing. The song that started off this series, and the one I was singing just moments earlier.

I wander further along the waves, howling along to Raised by Wolves. This is so cathartic I decide to delve deeper into the melancholy.

James Hunnicutt live at The Black Flamingo (With Fritz and the Reverend from Whiskey Dick)

I start off with โ€˜Donโ€™t let teardrops fill your eyesโ€™ by James Hunnicutt and of course, teardrops start filling my eyes, like this song invariably seems to do.ย I send him a text scolding him for this awfully amazing song and thanking him profoundly for what it keeps doing to me. ๐Ÿ’œ๐Ÿ’œ๐Ÿ’œ

It leads me to the playlist we played at my dadโ€™s funeral starting with โ€˜De Grote Voyageโ€™ by Willem Vermandere, whose house I just sat in front of earlier that day.

Iโ€™m sobbing and laughing, feeling everything all at once. A beautiful mess of BIG emotions. I scream the lyrics into the void of the sea. I walk on with โ€˜Weโ€™ll meet againโ€™ by Johnny Cash in my ears. It feels like my father is looking on and saying to me, though Johnnyโ€™s baritone timbre:

“Keep smiling through
Just like you always do
‘Til the blue skies chase those dark clouds far away”

We’ll Meet Again – Johnny Cash

So I walk on. With a smile on my face. Deciding to go for some fries at a snackbar with a cute dog in their logo.The nice purple people saw I was taking a pic and invited the critter himself over.

The dog is named Gaspard, and he reminded me (in more ways than one) of Gaspode from Discworld, only one of my favourite characters in the series. I mean. Talk about everything being connected. (In MY mind at least. Itโ€™s a special place inside my skull, I like it here, even though it is always just a little on fire.)

He starts cuddling up to me and I am sobbing while smiling again. One of the last conversations I remember having with my dad, is about cuddling up to a dog and the horse Iyota from hippo-therapy and telling him how happy it had made me. And him reponding thoughtfully ‘They know, you know, they sense it’ even though I never truly told him how dark the thoughts beforehand had been. I love you, Gaspard people and especially you my little doggo friend! (Great fries too!)

After another doggie selfie, this time with the Nieuwpoort Saint-Bernard, who fills me with SO MANY youthful family memories again, it is time to go back home.

I fall asleep like a log and wake up in the middle of the night. I go onto the balcony for another breath of fresh air and drink in the silence. And just as I think to myself โ€˜All is quiet on the Western Frontโ€™, I see a fisher boat with a huge flock of LOUD seagulls in tow.

I see you dad, I hear you. Good night.ย 


PS: The title of this blog refers to yet another song. About death. Suprise. It didn’t fit in with the rest of the sentiment of this post so I added it here, as an aside. I’d say ‘enjoy’, but it is definitely not that type of song. It is pretty damn haunting.

Seaside musings, a coastal diary series. (Part THREE โ€“ Scene FIVE)

Every time we came on a family trip to the coast, there was one specific trip inland. A visit to the city of Veurne and/or walking through the sleepy fields of Oeren nearby. A walk to the MiniPri where we got to pick out ONE TOY. It was a HUGE toy store in my memory, but turns out to be a store with one toy aisle. (Time has stood still there, they still sell Britney Spears & Eminem posters from the early nillies. Itโ€™s a little weird, but comforting nonetheless.)

So my search for treasured memories drives me inland today, to the quiet town of Steenkerke in that same region.

When I was old enough to go to the coast myself, my dad gave me the same advice every time: โ€˜Jul, you have to go to Steenkerkeโ€™. And then when I was there, a message: โ€˜Jul, have you been to Steenkerke?โ€™. It had everything to do with his love for music and art, which combined itself in the Flemish artist Willem Vermandere. A philosopher, poet, writer, etcher, painter, sculptor and a singer-songwriter with an impressive oeuvre.

Two years ago, I finally listened and fell deeply in love with the artist whoโ€™d Iโ€™d only heard of in passing before. I read (and immediately bought) his book Als โ€˜t maar Geestig is and set off to discover his hometown Steenkerke.

On the way to and from there, I was entranced by his music that fit so well with the scenery of the Flanders Fields. Some of it light-hearted, but some deeply rooted in the horrible happenings in those fields, like the album Altijd iemands vader, altijd iemands kind (Always someone’s father, always someone’s child). It’s a true masterpiece of musical storytelling.

In Steenkerke, like in so many places around West-Flanders, thereโ€™s a military graveyard from the first World War, with graves of too many young men who lost their lives in a cruel and useless war. (Like there is any other kind.) This visit in 2021, combined with my journey to Ypres, where I was moved to tears by the daily tribute of The Last post at the Menin gate, inspired me to make my own piece of protest-art.

Within this collage I sprinkled in some music which reminds me of the wars of my lifetime. The ones fought in Iraq and Afghanistan, after 9/11 happened, which in turn made me VERY conscious of world politics. The skull is made up of the lyrics to the heartwrenching song Hero of War by Rise Against and I added in the title of Let them Eat War by Bad Religion. 

It was reading Willem Vermandereโ€™s book that drove me to enrol in the Art Academy, where I found joy in creating again after a very long hiatus. This was the first piece I made after some dark years where I lost my passion for creation. In a way, Vermandere was the instigator for the Clumsy Crane Studio Instagram that now also includes my great love of writing. The music has ALWAYS been a common thread on the page, all my own favourite pieces of art were inspired by or named for songs.

Back to Steenkerke. My plan for today was to spend an afternoon on the terrace of his favourite pub, one he wrote this song about. (It was the place where I bought the book and enjoyed a nice local beer on the last my last visit, as pictured above.) Alas, this being after the high season, the cafรฉ was closed for a yearly holiday. I saw my plans for writing with the church in back of me, his house in front of me and his spirit near me fade away. But then I find this spot in the grass and decide to start writing there, overlooking the polder. 

The sound of nature takes over and I realise this is the better option. Writing with a bunch of bike tourists surrounding me would have been another experience indeed. All I hear now is the wind gently caressing the leaves of the trees and about ten different species of bird tweeting merrily away. Somewhere in the distance I hear some church bells jingling a joyful tune. Around me thereโ€™s the fluttering of butterflies, ladybugs and other summery critters enjoying the last rays of sun. 

In this sleepy silent town I seem to be completely on my own. Alone, but not lonely. I am surrounded by memories and profoundly content with my own company. Feeling that artful soul across the street brings some extra oxygen. As if a cosmic connection is supporting me while writing. I lie back and stare at the clouds and drink it all in. 

There’s the tiny church behind me, filled with some of his beautiful works of art. He wrote the following song about it. My favourite lyric is this:

O ik wil het al nog geiren geloven,
dat mirakel van die zes kruiken wijn
en van Lazarus die al drie dagen dood was,
were levend, meer moet dat nie zijn.

Dat is ‘t werk van zangers en dichters,
als ‘t maar rijmt, is ‘t een fluitje van ne cent,
dat Jezus zijn moeder nog maagd was,
is dat geen geestig vertellement!

Roughly translated that goes:

Oh, I want to gladly believe it all
The miracle of those six jugs of wine
And of Lazarus who’d been dead for three days
Alive again, that’s all it takes.

That’s the work of singers and poets,
If it just rhymes, it’s a piece of cake,
That Jesus’ mother was still a virgin,
Isn’t that a droll tale

After I’m done writing, I step into the church to wander past Vermandereโ€™s paintings, etches and sculptures again. I refrain from putting his music on because the Gregorian church music, which I kind of really despise and always have, reminds me of my father again. I take my sweet time looking at every piece in detail and marvel at the imagery and colours. 

The beauty and intricacy of the works doesn’t really translate into pictures.  I get especially transfixed by this one, drinking in every brushstroke and bit of shading in these striking colours with hungry (and quite frankly a little jealous) eyes.

In trying to research what this piece is called (no luck yet), I just found out this piece I saw on my first night in Nieuwpoort. It was made in remembrance of the Great War and is called Verzoening or Atonement. It is placed on the geographical starting point of the Western Front right near the pier.

I walk back out of the church, put on my hiking boots and wander off in the distance. After a while, my thirst, which I was supposed to quench at that little terrace, takes over. Nothing is open within walking distance, so I decide to drive over to Ramskapelle and I unknowingly end up at the perfect writing spot. Another place where time stood still, with a slightly camp but lovely decorated terrace and some beautiful inspiring wall art. 

A chill and very 80s soundtrack in the background, a very LOUD but soothing conversation between two local ladies in that lovely West-Flanders dialect and some nice regional beers on the menu. The air feels warm, and smells of a rain shower that never happens. What else could a person want? Fate drove me here. I start writing. Crocodile Rock jumps on in the background. I smile and think of Joey Clyde

Before going home I honour my farmer family roots by making friends with a sheep and admiring some farming equipment. Dad would have been proud of me today.

Seaside musings, a coastal diary series. (Part ONE – Scene ONE)

I am sitting at a beach bar in Nieuwpoort, the day after another one of my favourite nights and shows of the year. I have several, they keep on accumulating. Youโ€™d think that at some point I wouldnโ€™t be yelling โ€˜THIS WAS THE BEST GIG OF THE YEARโ€™, but here we are. 

I was on the way to the butcher for a delicious meaty treat for myself (I know, I am an awful animal lover!) and wanted to walk with the North Sea in full view. I followed my gut away from the busy looking bit of the dike of Nieuwpoort beach. Seeing the squirming of all the sunny Saturday tourists made me stop in my tracks, think to myself โ€˜NOPE, not todayโ€™ and swiftly turn the other way. The reward for trusting my gut feeling was nearly instant. After noping out of the first bar (WAY too loud and hip for my taste) I settled on the second beach bar in sight. Swing chairs with a dune and ocean view? Yes, please! I settled in, put my headphones on and fired up the Spotify playlist I started with my good friend Jo.ย 

How synchronicitous that this song should come on while writing this. The lyrics are etched into my soul.

Took me two years to write this song, I wanted it perfect, no wrinkles in it.
Took me a long time to come clean, To be honest, the truthโ€™s so ugly.

No matter how far I run, I always end up back here.
No matter how far I go, I always end up back here.
In the mirror, in the mirror, in the mirror, only in the mirror.

I always felt so out of placะต, In a crowded room, I speak too soon
Yeah I put a big smilะต on my face, I canโ€™t let them know itโ€™s all for show, No

Iโ€™m tired of running, Iโ€™m tired of running, Iโ€™m tired of running, Iโ€™m tired of running, Iโ€™m tired of running, Iโ€™m tired of running, Iโ€™m tired of RUNNING

The Interrupters – In the Mirror

I saw The Interrupters earlier this year (in the chaotic gig-filled month of June I am still scrambling to write fully about.) and broke my voice while singing along to this song. It was yet another cathartic experience in this insanely amazing year of music, that keeps piling those moments on top of each other. But I digress.

As I sit lie here, contentedly swinging in my beach chair while writing, a gentle sea breeze blows through my hair. I realise I am no longer my own worst enemy. In fact, I am thoroughly enjoying my own company. No outside stressors or responsibilities. Just me myself and I, tuning the world out by way of The Best Playlist in the World. The salty sea air in my nose, my notebook at hand and barely any humans in sight. All I see is sandy dunes, a lot of sunshine with a few clouds, the beautiful North Sea and some kites floating merrily in the wind.

The dunes and clouds of Nieuwpoort Bad

It all emphasises how sorely I needed this getaway after nearly three years of constant stress, darkness & self-doubt. Iโ€™ve resurfaced after one of the worst periods in my life in general. First there was the burnout and subsequent depression that I could not seem to crawl out of. Followed by a stupid incident in which I broke my foot and the slow healing process over the gruellingly boring summer of 2021. Then a string of injuries and illness in the family, resulting in the caring for (and about) both my mother and father. (Which left the summer of 2022 without music as well, aside from Punk in Drublic.)

Then came the death of my father around this time last year, and another tumble down that jet black abyss followed. The music and Purple People saved me from that one. As I was slowly crawling out of that hole, I ended a 17 year long relationship and started a nine month long, intense group therapy process which I am now halfway through. I might not have been working, but my mind never seemed to get a moment’s rest either way. 

How the fuck did I ever expect to get myself out of a burnout that had been in the works for YEARS, while still burning the candle at both ends? It was delusional to think I could have done it alone. Nevertheless, I am sure that this sequence of events was not without meaning in and of itself. I am sure to my core I needed to pass through all of that to end up here. Both figuratively and literally speaking. I needed to end up here, at this exact moment in time, in this particular place in space. I will look back on this and see what a huge step it will have been in my healing process. I am beyond sure of that. 

Over the last couple of years I had been having these weird anxiety filled stress dreams, about being near the sea and not finding my way to the beach. I have been YEARNING to put my feet in the ocean and feel the wind in my hair since before the lockdown of 2020. I have finally arrived and made it to my own private beachfront holiday.

I am bathing myself in profoundly precious memories in the coastal town where my grandparents bought an apartment the year I was born. I spent every summer of my childhood here with my family. I am treasuring those echoes of the past, of my inner child deep within. Itโ€™s in the smells of the sand & sea, of the gasoline in the parking garage below the apartment. Itโ€™s in the view of the beautifully repainted waterfront property with the words Inchโ€™ Allah embedded in the stone. It always links back to the music, in this case the song by Adamo, an artist I dearly love courtesy of my mother and grandmother.

Being here on this second day of Autumn, enjoying probably one of the last Indian summer days of the year, feels positively magical. I spent a chaotic but intensely rewarding day yesterday getting over a LOT of fears, both real and imaginary. (Fear of heights and roller coasters, group dynamics, traffic and bad weather combined with very tight schedules and timelines. A right mess for a neurodivergent person such as myself.) It morphed into one of the best days and nights of 2023. (And that is saying something!) I was surrounded by good friends and like minded souls in the midst of the all encompassing piece of life that is The Music.

I feel like I am finally discovering myself as an actual person. And most importantly, I like that face staring back at me in the mirror, for the first time in maybe EVER.

'The most beautiful thing you can become is yourself' - picture of Julie taken (in the mirror) at Trefpunt Ghent
‘The most beautiful thing you can become is yourself’ – taken (in the mirror) at Trefpunt Ghent

That all of this should happen NOW and HERE is nothing less than prophetic. It is fate. It is destiny. It is another bit of proof I am walking the right road. MY road. The road I was meant for from the start. Iโ€™ve been walking it all along, but I just now passed the bit in between where there were no lights, signage or roadmarks. It feels good to be on the other side. To be able to breathe and let go of the anxieties that have been stuck to me for all these years. I see a light at the end of the tunnel and I am walking towards it. Smiling to myself. Following where the music takes me next.

(Re)make myself.

I got my ADHD diagnosis last year at the ripe โ€˜oldโ€™ age of 36. In learning more about it, a LOT finally started to make sense. Why the life I was building for myself never really seemed to fit me. Why I never seemed to reach my own potential. However, there was still a puzzle piece missing. I got tested for both ADHD & Autism Spectrum Disorder at the same time. I had become so adept at masking myself, I did not get diagnosed as being on the spectrum. In subsequently talking to people, and reading up about autism and neurodivergence, I realised that diagnosis was wrong. I am both autistic and have ADHD. All those little quirks and difficulties I experienced all through life suddenly became one of two. The constant battle in my head between order and chaos was suddenly very clear. 

My life was made of masks, one for every occasion. First I hid my true self away, out of fear of not being accepted. Of being seen as weak. Of being perceived as weird. Of being thought of as a failure. Of being known as difficult. I became the person I thought I should be, not the person I actually was. It was a recipe for disaster. I was a ticking time bomb waiting to erupt. Last year I finally learned why everything always seemed SO much harder for me. Life in general, school, work and interpersonal relationships. 

But when I learned about, and started to accept and work around my (self)diagnosis as AuDHD, that became a mask in and of itself. I started to apologise for myself and my way of thinking about things and my way of doing things because of what those disorders meant to me. I have ADHD so I must be LOUD and OBNOXIOUS, SORRY. At the same time I am autistic, but because I am such a LOUD AND OBNOXIOUS ADHD’er, I didnโ€™t feel like I had the right to claim the space, peace and tranquillity I needed. It was a constant struggle with myself and not in the least, with the people around me. 

This year, right around the time I was rediscovering myself in the music and the words, I started group therapy in a clinic near me. I am so unbelievably grateful for having found that path. In the last three and a half months I have learned SO much about myself and moreover, myself in the world around me. It has been challenging and confronting at every turn. But I am slowly learning to understand myself and treat myself with the same compassion and empathy with which I approach other people. Itโ€™s a process with big ups and downs, but it is so unbelievably rewarding.

It really should not have come as such a surprise to me that I am my own worst enemy. I make life so much harder on myself by trying to do everything right. For myself, but especially for those around me. I adapted a mask very early on, hid myself away and pretended to be strong for years. Because I thought that was helping those around me, not having to worry about me and the dark abyss I was tumbling into. In reality, by pretending to be made of stone, I continued the fallacy that we should all be made of granite. That there is no room for us to crumble, even just a little. 

I am now slowly learning that vulnerability is a strength and not a weakness. How itโ€™s okay to not be okay. And how in showing and talking about my own struggles, others learn to find the words to describe their fragility and pain as well. There is beauty in recognition and unity in commiseration. We all struggle with things, why not struggle together? A sorrow shared is a sorrow halved. Because in sharing and commiserating, we can all grow together.

This blog started as a simple foreword to a piece about music. I was going to write about finding synchronicity in music again thanks to two shows by Gipsy Rufina & Kiel Grove. (Don’t worry, I WILL get to them!) How reconnecting with Ann, whom I met at the James Hunnicutt & Whiskey Dick gigs, led me to watch Coco again and what that meant to me in this dark September month. But the foreword developed a mind of its own and turned into this. It was meant as a sort of apology to all the bands and artists I promised my words to over the last couple of months. But in letting loose and just following the words, I realise I have nothing to apologise for.

Thereโ€™s something to be said for continuity and following the precise sequence of events. Itโ€™s nice and neat and comprehensible. (Some might even call it Nice & Accurate!) It is expected. Iโ€™m usually a stickler for doing things by the rules. It brings order to my disorderly brain. But I keep losing myself in trying to do everything perfectly. In thinking more of what my actions (or inactions) might signify to others, than in realising how hard those thoughts are weighing ME down.

I am trying to break away from that to preserve my own sanity and build myself back up in the best way possible. So I donโ€™t get burnt out from the thing that was curing my burnout. So for now I am done following the rules and promises I made in my head, because they were preventing me from telling the stories. 

From now on the stories will be posted as they present and write themselves in my head. The stories recorded during this magical, musical summer (and beyond) WILL get told with all the love I felt while experiencing it. But in their own time, in my time.

Hereโ€™s to chaos and anarchy. Hereโ€™s to doing things my way. 

RESIST. UNLEARN. DEFY.

An aside about the songs: The three songs in this blog are by a band that has a very special significance to me. Remember that message board I wrote about in my last blog on Terry Pratchett? Well, it was called Incuboard and was dedicated to Incubus. Sort of, anyway. I met some very special people there and I still remember that period very fondly. I lost track of the band a little around when they brought out Light Grenades. But I will never lose track of their previous albums and songs. They helped make me who I am to this day. They ring as true now, as they did back then.

I subconsciously chose three songs off the same album Make yourself. This was not planned, even though the title of this blog was inspired by the title song from that album. Synchronicity I guess. In threes, as always. The cover picture is inspired by a lovely art book the singer made, called White Fluffy Clouds. His art very much inspired my own. The piece below was my vague interpretation of the cover art of his book.

Liefde voor Sarah Boo Punkelmees (en mijn rechterarm.)

In oktober van 2021 besliste ik dat ik eindelijk de tattoo zou laten zetten waar ik al enkele jaren op aan het broeden was. Iets van een innerlijk kind op een schommel en de grote boze wereld daarrond. Mijn idee was vaag maar de fotografische imprint in mijn brein heel gedefinieerd.

In verschillende berichten en telefoontjes probeerde ik aan mijn uitverkoren artieste uit te leggen wat ik net bedoelde. Het eerste idee dat Sarah me doorstuurde was fantastisch mooi, maar helaas niet mijn tattoo. No problem, back to the drawing board. Het lukte mij even niet om het idee beter verwoord te krijgen, en Sarah had het ook even veel te druk, dus ontstaat er een tijdelijke radiostilte.

Ergens zomer 2022 beslis ik dan toch nog maar eens een poging te wagen, Sarah nodigt me uit in de shop. Beste idee ooit. Sarah is sowieso ook een van de Purple People. We vuren ideeรซn op elkaar af, terwijl zij het in Procreate tot iets concreets begint te vormen en tegelijk driftig notities neemt. Ik raak nog geรฏnspireerd door een van haar ontwerpen dat ik vanuit mijn ooghoek opmerk, en de rest is history.

We beginnen met het babyvogeltje uit haar eerste ontwerp, met een boekje in de schoot. (Eentje van Sir Terry Pratchett, moest u het zich afvragen.) Die mag al gaan chillen op zijn schommeltje. Vogeltje, want ja, kleine hyperfixatie op vogels specifiek en dieren algemeen. Oh, en kan er nog een koptelefoontje bij? Muziek, u weet wel. 

De schommel hangt dan weer vast aan een (gespiegeld) dopamine symbool, omdat dat een belangrijk factor is voor mezelf, om in the moment op mijn schommeltje te geraken. Het boek, de headphones en de schommel zelf als herinnering aan wat me dopamine geeft. Woorden, noten en verbondenheid met mijn innerlijke kind.

Het oog binnen de dopamine is gebaseerd op het ontwerp aan de muur. Het staat symbool voor de kaleidoscopische blik die ik op de wereld heb. Opnieuw, een herinnering voor als ik vergeet van รฉcht te kijken naar de kleine, mooie dingen.

Het schaduwkonijn dat errond zit is volledig Sarah haar geweldige ingeving. Een perfecte, maar toch niet te angstaanjagende afbeelding van de grote boze wereld rondom mij. Want als ik op alle andere elementen let, is de wereld ook draaglijk en niet echt ZO boos.

  • Innerlijke kind, check!
  • Grote ‘boze’ wereld, check!
  • Permanent visuele herinnering aan wat u energie brengt en beschermt tegen die ‘boze’ wereld, check!

Het wordt september en we beginnen eraan. Ik ben GEK van het ontwerp. Maar dan wordt het winter, in mijn hoofd en daarbuiten. Ik voelde me op een bepaald moment zo slecht, dat ik mezelf aanpraatte dat deze tattoo een foute impulsbeslissing was, waar ik nog spijt van zou krijgen. 

Dat maakt het des te mooier hoe ik vanaf het begin van korte-mouwen-seizoen 2023, opnieuw met veel liefde naar mijn arm begon te kijken. En vanaf vandaag ligt daar dus nog een extra laagje liefde over. 

Ik lig hier in de tuin een eenzame vaderdag te vieren met alleen muziek als gezelschap. (En dat is OK, het voelt niet alleen.) Maar door hier zo te te liggen soezen in de zon, met muziek in mij oren beginnen mijn gedachten te verdwalen in patronen.

lk besef net hoe super profetisch deze tattoo is voor de mentaliteitswijziging die ik in de laatste 2 weken aan het doormaken ben. En voor de relatie als dochter van mijn vader. Als in, toen ik ze liet zetten was ze hyperrelevant en sprekend, en nu heeft ze nog twee extra betekenislagen gekregen die ze nog ZO veel belangrijker voor me maakt. 

De timing rond deze tattoo en keuze voor deze artieste is al om verschillende redenen zeer synchronistisch gebleken. Deel van dat verhaal is niet van mij alleen, en ga ik hier niet uit de doeken doen. Je zal me moeten geloven op mijn woord.

Als ik mensen die een tattoo overwegen iets kan aanraden: de juiste artiest is veel belangrijker dan het juiste idee. En laat het rusten als het nog niet is wat je zoekt. Je zal hooguit een ontwerp moeten betalen waar je later misschien nog iets mee kan op een of andere manier.

*Een bedrag dat mee in de prijs van mijn uiteindelijke gezette tattoo opnieuw werd verrekend. Voordeel als je bij dezelfde artiest blijft. Maar nooit een verplichting. Wel om hen te betalen, want ook het uitwerken van een tattoo is voor hen werk. Vaak veel meer dan een leek kan vermoeden.

Voor mij was de juiste artiest in dit geval Sarah Boo Punkelmees. (De naam alleen al, komaan!) Het was misschien een zware bevalling maar ik denk dat we alle twee uiteindelijk uitermate enthousiast zijn over het eindresultaat. (En ik althans ook over het proces.)

Los van een super getalenteerd tekenaar en tattoo artist is ze trouwens ook een pracht van een mens, en een extra inspiratie om te leven zoals mijn tattoo het me aangeeft. Met een open blik op alles wat belangrijk is. โค

Volg Sarah Boo Punkelmees en de shop The Lost Oasis waar ze werkt. Het loopt daar vol van Purple People volgens mij, met elk hun eigenwijze stijl en aanpak!
ALLEN DAARHEEN! (En zeg dat ik u gestuurd heb!)

Ik had kunnen zoeken dewelke ik het leukste vond, maar dan had ik volgende week nog niet op publish geklikt, dus hierbij haar laatste post! (Die ik voor de duidelijkheid dus ook absoluut bangelijk vind he!)

The All Star Wedding Band (een foto zegt meer dan duizend woorden.)

Ik ben een vrouw van vele woorden. (Vraag maar aan wie me kent, of kijk hier gerust even rond.) Vandaag even niet. (Geloof me niet, het zijn er uiteindelijk toch wat meer woorden geworden. Had je iets anders verwacht hier?)

Enerzijds heb ik mezelf verplicht eens twee dagen letterlijk plat te rusten en geen ellelange stukken te beginnen waarin ik me helemaal ga verliezen. (*Kuch* Gogol Bordello *kuch*) Iets van uw grenzen kennen en respecteren.

Anderzijds omdat ik gisteren een grens genegeerd heb om toch maar deze The All Star Wedding Band te kunnen zien. Mijn lichaam vertelde me dat ik eigenlijk niet NOG een avond vol enthousiast rondspringen en brullen aankon. Goh, technisch gezien waar, want mijn verplichte rust vandaag is niet zo moeilijk vol te houden gezien mijn lijf als lood voelt en toch niet veel meer kan (en wil) dan liggen. (Sent to you van uit mijn geweldige tuinstoel!) En mijn stem ligt nog ergens in Poederlee. Wat er dan nog van overbleef na Antwerpen en Sint-Niklaas alleszins. En niet dat ik die hier nodig heb eigenlijk.

Maar dan krijg ik dit schitterende beeld doorgestuurd, dat van me werd gemaakt tijdens de set van The All Star Wedding Band op HeggeRock. Dit is Polexia Miller in levende lijve in 1 beeld. De foto vertelt het verhaal en verder hoef ik er eigenlijk niet teveel woorden aan moet vuilmaken. (De woorden tot hier tellen dus al niet he!) Here goes:

The All Star Wedding band is een coverband van Me First and The Gimme Gimmes. Meer nog, ze gaan verder waar MFaTGG begon en trekken hun eigen lijn in fijne eigenzinnige covers. Ze spelen de platen die jij kent, je moeder, je grootmoeder en zelfs je tiener (en misschien de kleintjes ook als #likeme ze al gecovered hebben.)

Het is altijd een FEEST. (Zie foto) Plus, je geniet er jaren van na, want ik denk dat eindelijk alle confetti had gevonden die we meebrachten sinds de laatste keer we ze zagen eind 2021. (Zie foto)

Die keer in 2021 gebeurde er overigens iets speciaals. In mijn grootste fantasie vroeg de zanger van ofwel Me First and the Gimme Gimmes of die van The All Star Wedding Band me mee op het podium, want ik ken zo goed als elk nummer in alle richtingen. En die keer gebeurde dat dus, he! Ik riep enthousiast en met een al compleet kapotgezongen stem dat ze O Sole Mio moesten spelen. Deden ze, maar alleen als ik mee deed. Challenge accepted!


Deze keer mocht ik de Olivia Newton John parts van Summer Nights meebrullen! (Helaas was mijn fantastische fotograaf van dienst op dat moment ook te afgeleid om hier beelden van te maken.) Dus, moet ik nog meer zeggen? Misschien dit:

Mark is Knap!
Zie ze genieten met haar drumstokje!
Zie ze genieten met haar drumstokje!

Oh, en aan bangelijke zanger Tom: onderstaande is waarom ik zeker wรฉl de tekst kende. Of hoe รฉรฉn man een generatie tienermeisjes met een onrealistisch (maar hartverwarmend) beeld van liefdesbetuigingen opzadelde.

Verder alleen nog: GAAT DAT ZIEN! Ze komen naar zowat elk dorp in Belgiรซ. Ik ben alvast duchtig data in mijn agenda aan het markeren!

Volg The All Star Wedding Band

Polexia Miller (alter-ego #4)

“That groupie”? She was a Band-Aid! All she did was love your band. And you used her, all of you! You used her and threw her away! She almost died last night while you were with Bob Dylan. You guys, you’re always talking about the fans, the fans, the fans; she was your biggest fan, and you threw her away! And if you can’t see that, that’s your biggest problem. And I love her! I love her!

William Miller – Almost Famous
  • The Chats at Trix - Josh Hardy, Matt Boggis | Clumsy Crane
  • Zap Mama Marie Daulne en Julie
  • Julie and Dec Martens of Amyl And The Sniffers at Trix november 2023
  • Amy Taylor (Amyl and the Sniffers), Clumsy Crane and Seriously Hilary at Trix in november 2023
  • creeper view of the post-show-hug-selfie
  • Me and Edward Ka-Spell
  • Julie Van Craen WebWijf Zondag Zondag

I just established my new alter ego. (Yes, yes, as if I needed any more. At least this one is not getting her own Instagram page.) Her name is Polexia Miller, she is the person I turn into when I experience (live) music.

She is part Band-Aid, part Rock-Journalist (and full on badass), so she gets the best of both worlds. The name is completely and lovingly inspired by the movie that made me want to be a (rock)journalist: Almost Famous*. My most feel good feel good film of all feel good films. Try to say that three times. 

Or, try and say โ€˜fantastischโ€™ as much as I do in the above video reviewing the movie for Prime. (Never before released to the general public.) The synchronicity (again, sorrynotsorry) of finding this today in the depths of my neglected Youtube archive made me get over the cringe of seeing myself say โ€˜fantastischโ€™ over, and over, and over. (And over, and over.) But it doesnโ€™t matter because I was still fucking right, that movie is a classic. 

Iโ€™ll probably never really write about movies anymore because I still find it hard to recommend a film without spoiling the plot. But thatโ€™s the beauty with rock (whatever that means) journalism. The only plot I can ruin is whether or not you should get that ticket.

Iโ€™m pretty picky about what I go see, because I want to see SO much. I donโ€™t think Iโ€™ve ever written a review for a performance I didnโ€™t like and I probably won’t.

More to come still with Part 2 and 3 of Me, Pete, me and the Devil Makes Three, Gogol Bordello, The Interrupters and Brakrock soon. (Also The Rabids, but that is awaiting important input!)

So anyway, enjoy Polexia Millerโ€™s wacky adventures in live music land and see where it goes!

*Along with April O’neil in the series Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles from 1987. (Earlier she was apparently a computer programmer, later she became a warrior. I think the eighties got the most sexist version, but still, she was a good role model for young me.) Same goes for Rory Gilmore from Girlmore Girls, her dedication to be a journalist was the second influence. And I said I never had female role models. For shame. 

Forgive me father, for I may sin tonight.

Polexia Aphrodisia 

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